Tuesday, August 5, 2014

Happy 1st Birthday Beautiful Boy

It's 10:48pm.  Exactly one year ago today at 9:33pm, Benjamin James Freeman arrived into this world.  Approximately an hour later, I got to hold him.  There were some complications that held up the process, and it's all a little fuzzy to me because they began pumping me with morphine after he arrived.  Either way, I will never, ever forget that moment...

Everyone tells you that you won't truly understand what it's like to become a parent until you do.  Whether that's by birth or adoption or any other means of becoming a Mama or a Daddy, I now agree.  There is a feeling unlike any other when you hold your child for the first time.  Take this picture, for example.  I love this picture.  I am sooo swollen here.  I gained WAY too much weight while I was pregnant, and I had just went through three hours and three minutes of hard labor followed by an hour of something that felt even worse (I will spare you the details) due to my placenta not cooperating.  However for some reason, I LOVE this picture.  I just feel beautiful in it.  Some of you will laugh at me, but I do feel beautiful because I know that at that moment my heart was swelling up inside of me with more love than I thought I was able to give.  That is beauty, and I will take that beauty any day of the week over what I had previously thought made me beautiful. 

Benjamin has completely taken the wheel on my life's journey this past year and made a hard left more than once.  My life has gone in such a different direction than I ever saw it going and I love it!  He has given me purpose.  He has made me an Advocate, a Teacher, a Writer, and most importantly a Mama.  He has made me Stronger, Smarter, Braver,  and has made me Humbler.  He has opened my mind and my heart.  I now know fear, and I understand what it means to truly live for someone. 

If you would have told me that having a child would be the greatest thing that ever happened to me, I probably would have believed you.  If you would have said that having a child with Down syndrome would be the greatest thing that ever happened to me, I would have thought you were crazy and I would have been wrong.

Every single night for the past year I have said the same prayer.  Most nights I say it above Benjamin's crib.  My prayer is, "God, please watch over my little man.  Keep him healthy, happy, and safe so that we may live to smile another day.  Thank you MOST for him of all my blessings." 

Benjamin - You are the blessing of all blessings to me sweet angel.  You have given me more than I could ever give you. Inside your Daddy's wedding ring it says, "I promise to laugh with you every day."  You Daddy and I promise that to you as well sweet boy.  As we go through your 2nd birthday, 3rd birthday, and so on, we promise that we will smile and laugh with you every single day, 365 days a year.
Happy Birthday sweet boy.  Your Mama loves you to the Moon and Back.

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Would love to hear your thought, comments, advice, or emotional outbursts!

-xoxo Jamie