Friday, December 5, 2014

Twas The Night Before Thanksgiving or The Night I Realized That I Am OLD

Twas the night Before Thanksgiving, when all through Detroit
The Barflies were buzzing, they were hopped up on joy!
Lady's outfits were perfect, well chosen with care.
The Men had all put way too much gel in their hair.

My husband and I, we had no plans to go out.
We were snuggled and cuddled, and frankly worn out.
Then we got the text that our friend Tina did send...
It peaked our interest, maybe we'd like a night with our friends!

You see, we stay home a lot, since having our sweet baby Ben
We like to watch movies, eat ice cream and veg...
But every once in a while, there's a twinge from times past
We remember how much fun we all used to have!

We liked to go out, to drink and get wild!
However, we obviously knew this would change with a child
But tonight, it was different, we longed for the chance
to go out and get crazy and relive our past!

We called up the sitter, low and behold she was free!
We announced to our friends, "Count us in on tonight's shenanery!"
Mark went to the store, to buy fuel for the night.
You see without chemical energy, sleep would certainly win the fight

I started to get ready, excited as can be!
I did my hair, did my make-up, I was looking quite sexy!
I had on high-heeled boots, a tight dress with leggings
I even wore my good panties, because "Hey, Mark might get lucky!"

This is when it started, when it began to go to shit
I was walking around and began thinking a bit
It's freezing out there, and we are headed downtown.
Now I KNOW that there's gonna be a lot of walking around!

I talked myself out of my boots, and grabbed a pair with no heels
Walking in stilettos all night?  No thanks, I know how that feels
Then I talked myself out of my tight little dress.
I mean, come on, I should be comfy, who do I need to impress?

I settled on a sweater and my Jim Morrison T-Shirt.
I mean, The Doors are still cool, right?  I won't look like a nerd.
I was now feeling comfy, and warm and just right.
I was now, as I found out later, dressed completely wrong for this night.

We headed out with three of our friends,
Still slightly excited for the bars up ahead
It was Mark and myself... Tina, Derek and Ken
With Ken rolling his scooter as his ankle was on the mend

We stopped at the first bar in Corktown, ready to have a great time!
Tina and Derek scoped it out, we didn't want to have to stand in a line.
Then went in and came out, the bar was too loud!
And seriously, how the hell can anyone put up with that crowd!

We went to the second, the third and the fourth!
All the bars were so packed, and so loud, and so ... inaccessible to somebody with  scooter for his broken ankle.  I mean, this was unacceptable.  The ADA needed to be informed.  You need to make your business accessible for those with..oh wait, my poem.  Sorry, I forgot....


We all drove along, to bar after bar...
I gotta say I was getting real sick of the car.
We bitched and we moaned, Is it too much to ask...
To find a bar where we can talk, and drink beer, and relax

We finally ended up at a place not too bad.
The Firebird Tavern in Greektown, was where beers would be had
We all went in, and we were pleasantly surprised by the place
It was nice, warm and cozy, and you didn't feel a lack of space

This all lasted you see,  'til we headed upstairs...
It was there that I realized, I should have spent more time on my hair
The music was loud, OH SO LOUD, and it bumped!
It bumped and it boomed, and my head was going "thump, thump!"

The girls were all dressed with their midriffs all bare!
I hadn't seen this since the 90s, and I didn't care for it back there!
Within moments I had been stepped on, and spilled on, and worse!
Their was one girl that accidentally slapped me in the face with her purse!

The guys, oh the guys, they were all wasted of course.
Attempting to score with a girl was the nights obvious sport.
They attempted to dance, they attempted to flirt...
You could tell they were proud of those Ed Hardy T-Shirts!

We laughed and we giggled, as we drank the crappy beer.
Is it too much to ask for a nice craft on tap here?
We stared at the dance floor, the girls and the guys
And then there was something I started to realize...

This used to be me, this used to be fun!
I used to love Thanksgiving eve, and the crowds, and the bumps!
I used to dance all night long, I never minded a crowd.
I used to drink shitty beer, and wear my hair down

I don't envy these crowds, I had my time in the past
However, sometimes you need a reminder of that
I love my friends, and I love to go out
It's just a bit different now, I don't want to have to shout!

I like to sit and have a delicious craft beer,
I like to talk, and to giggle, and to reminisce about the year
I don't like to stand, I like to sit and be comfy
I don't mind going out... even if I look a bit frumpy

You see, on this very night, I realized that I am old.
I realized I am in my mid-30s, because time doesn't hold
I love spending time with my family, but when I do go out with my friends
I like to enjoy their company, not hear thumps in my head

I am comfortable with this realization I had,
as I sat in my home fast-food burger in hand.
I looked at my husband, and we laughed a great deal.
Thinking we are screwed if you're only as old as you feel.

To all of you twenty somethings, have fun while it last!
I do have something to tell you, something that will make you aghast!
There will come a day, when this is no longer fun.
I know it's hard to believe, but I promise this to all you someones

Even though that time is in the past, you're in for so much more!
There is a whole world outside of the bar for you to explore...
There's nothing wrong with it now, and enjoy all you want
but do not believe my life is something you don't want.

Your life gets so much fuller as you age and you grow,
You will learn that conversation and laughing are worth more than you know
You will enjoy all the things that seem right now very boring...
You will find that instead of the club, you'd much rather spend your time snoring!

However, I must say, I still had a good time.
We do love our friends, and didn't have to stand in any lines!
And we laughed oh so hard in the car this fine night
as we realized that we weren't up to the challenge of the pre-Thanksgiving plight

We sat there and stated what we wanted in a bar
Not too crowded, or loud, or a parking lot so big the car would be far
As we were saying these things, we laughed at ourselves
From now on our club clothes will stay stacked on our shelves!

I will remind myself of these words next time our interest is peaked,
I will re-read this poem, and then my peace I will keep.
For the rest of you next year, have fun with all your might!
Happy Thanksgiving to all, and to all a safe night!

WHAT!?!?  I can't hear you through this noise!!!


  1. Kinda the best ever and oh so true!

    1. LOL I spoke nothing but the truth in this one Helen! LOL!!!!!


Would love to hear your thought, comments, advice, or emotional outbursts!

-xoxo Jamie