Wednesday, April 29, 2015

7 Things About Me That Will Make You Feel Better About You

I like to give, so today I have a gift for you.  My gift is to tell you a few things about me that are absolutely sure to make you feel better about you.  I came up with 7 for today, but trust me, there are plenty more to come.

Here ya go!

  1. My son is almost 21 months old, and I still struggle with changing a mutha scratchin diaper.  I mean, come on!  That's like the most basic thing you do as a Mom, right!  I get peed on or I get shit everywhere ( and I mean literal shit ) and have to drop everything to give him a bath and do a load of laundry.  I just plain struggle with holding the damn baby still while I handle the diaper changing process.  Sometimes, I can't find the sticky things for the side, because I didn't put the diaper under him right, or perhaps I pulled it too high in the back or too high in the front.  From time to time... I even put the thing down backwards.  This is basic... BASIC... and I struggle with it.  It's ridiculous.  I am ashamed. 
  2. I once forgot to feed Ben dinner.  Yup, you read that right.  I flipping forgot to feed my baby!  It was Thanksgiving.  I was cooking sweet potatoes all morning and Ben was a teething mess.  On the way to my grandparents, my husband opened the back door of the car to grab something during a convenience store stop and BAM went the sweet potatoes all over 7-11's parking lot.  A ridiculous fight then ensued between Mark and I, I was a complete ball of stress at Thanksgiving, and Ben was continuously getting fussier and fussier.  Once he went into complete meltdown state, it had hit me that I had FORGOTTEN to freaking feed him.  He was, at this point, almost 3 hours late for lunch.  I am the worst mother in the history of maternal faux pas.  Who the eff forgets to feed their (at the time) 15 month old?  This girl does.  
  3. I bit my tongue, the MIDDLE of my tongue, so hard about a month or two ago that it still hasn't healed.  I literally have a flap on my tongue now.  I'm not kidding.  How?  Great freaking question!  HOW THE HELL DOES SOMEONE BITE THE MIDDLE OF THEIR OWN TONGUE?!?!  Apparently eating dinner, feeding Ben, and attempting to talk to my husband all at the same time is just too much for this genius.
  4. I went to work with poop on my shirt once and didn't notice until I was home later that night.  If you are wondering how...see #1.  Ok!  GEEZ!  I'm lying!!!  It was twice...
  5. A few months ago, while on a roadtrip to Canada, I had to stop at a rest stop with Ben due to a major car accident.  I had no high chair or anywhere safe for Ben to eat and he was hungry (no I didn't FORGET this time, there was a goshdarn car accident!).  Since I had no place safe, I improvised.  I used my Moby Wrap to tie him to the back of a chair in the dining area and fed him that way.  I am pretty sure there was more than one person who casually acted as though they were looking at their phone and took a picture of the crazy American lady that tied her happy little boy to a chair to feed him.  Whatever...I thought it was clever.  Looking back, I probably should have fed him in the car.
  6. For the first 7-8 months of Benjamin's life, I mispronounced and misspelled his diagnosis.  Ben has Trisomy 21.  I, however, told everyone he had Trisonomy 21.  Where the EFF did I get "trisonomy"?  WHAT is wrong with me?!?!  It's a whole made up word!  I added a whole ono in there.  Awesome...  I'm clever.  Nice Job Jamie Renee...
  7. I once got so competitive and uber excited during a work scavenger hunt, I tore two tendons in my ankle running after a potential clue.  I was in my position for all of two months at that point, yet (since we were in downtown Columbus, OH and there was no access for cars where we were) my boss's boss had to CARRY me for about three blocks.  That...wasn't embarrassing at all.   Oh...side note...that's the same meeting I asked, in front of about 200 people, what ROI stood for.  I'd like to think I left a lasting impression...
Well, there ya go!  If you don't feel better about yourself and your own faults yet, just keeping reading my blog! I am certain I can help you out. :)

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Would love to hear your thought, comments, advice, or emotional outbursts!

-xoxo Jamie